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Subtime for a joke
20-Sep-21 11:59pm
#1
MrBean
GameTZ Gold Subscriber 350 Trade Quintuple Gold Good Trader Gold Global Trader (7) Has Written 1 Review

Reviving, new offering in June 2022. Will keep open for a week or so and give a year of sub time to best entry!

-------------------------- original topic and winner

Various threads lately for subtime. A years subtime for best joke by end of week.

I'm easily amused so anything goes!

Go!

---

Winner @sdwyer138

"Did you know there actually is a difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
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.
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No, what is the difference?
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.
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I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face."
21-Sep-21 12:38am
#2
Scott
GameTZ Subscriber 250 Trade Quintuple Gold Good Trader Global Trader - willing to trade internationally Has Written 2 Reviews

An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.

PS: Sure is hot down here!
21-Sep-21 12:47am
#3
loztdogs
GameTZ Subscriber Quadruple Gold Good Trader

Guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.

While at the bar, the man takes notice of a pirate standing nearby with a ships steering wheel sticking out of the pirates ass.

The man says to the pirate... um hey do you know there's a steering wheel sticking out of your ass?

The pirate replies... Arrrrrr it's driving me nutz!

21-Sep-21 1:36am
#4
dunno001
250 Trade Quintuple Gold Good Trader Global Trader - willing to trade internationally

I guess I can try a quick one:

Why did the classic gamer marry his Nintendo?

Because it was WedNESday

21-Sep-21 2:53am
#5
theJaw
GameTZ Subscriber Triple Gold Good Trader

Never said we had to write the joke damnitall:

A moth goes into a podiatrist's office, and the podiatrist's office says, "What seems to be the problem, moth?"

The moth says "What's the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I don't even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don't know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there... at night I...I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that's on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don't know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the...in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch... I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I... that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn't such a coward, then perhaps...perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all...Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I'm a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I'm not feeling good. And so the doctor says, "Moth, man, you're troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?"

And the moth says, "'Cause the light was on."


Tbh I just wanted a reason to read that joke in text form.
21-Sep-21 3:42am
#6
metsfan718
250 Trade Quintuple Gold Good Trader

Midget was talking to his friend. The midgets friend made a joke which made him laugh.

The midget said "You're too much"

His friend then responded with "Then you're too little"
21-Sep-21 3:52am
#7
theJaw
GameTZ Subscriber Triple Gold Good Trader

image
21-Sep-21 7:38am
#8
Kommie
GameTZ Subscriber 250 Trade Quintuple Gold Good Trader

nt22 and his junk thread still exists.

That's my joke.
21-Sep-21 7:43am
#9
bluemetal04
Gold Good Trader Global Trader - willing to trade internationally

I'm going to spoil the first episode of the upcoming Obi-Wan show for you. This message was given to me from a Disney employee, who personally saw the script.

In the beginning of episode 1, Obi-Wan beats his wife, because she wouldn't cook for him. Knowing that he would turn to the dark side if he didn't leave her, he packed up his things and left. We then discover that he moved to a house next to young Luke's, not only to protect him from the evil red hat wearing slave owners, but also to have sex with him.

Poor baby Luke, the force was really strong with Obi-Wan.
21-Sep-21 9:20am
#10
DrizzDrizzDrizz
Double Gold Good Trader Global Trader - willing to trade internationally Croatia

This thread is gonna test MrBean's "I'm easily amused" statement
21-Sep-21 9:25am
#11
shadyfozzie
Triple Gold Good Trader This user is on the site NOW (7 minutes ago)

Guy #1: Hey, you wanna hear my Batman impersonation?
Guy #2: Sure, let me hear it.
Guy #1: [clears throat].... OH NO, KRYPTONITE!!!! AAAAAHHHH
Guy #2: That's Superman...
Guy #1: Thanks!! I've been working on it all week...
21-Sep-21 9:31am
#12
sa330206
500 Trade Quintuple Gold Good Trader

Gamestop stock prices in 2021 haha
21-Sep-21 10:50am
#13
MrBean
GameTZ Gold Subscriber 350 Trade Quintuple Gold Good Trader Gold Global Trader (7) Has Written 1 Review

DrizzDrizzDrizz wrote:
This thread is gonna test MrBean's "I'm easily amused" statement
Haha
21-Sep-21 11:45am
#14
lpeters82
250 Trade Quintuple Gold Good Trader

My go to clean joke:

A snail is robbed by two turtles. The police show up and ask, "What happened?" The snail just looks down, shakes his head and says, "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
21-Sep-21 11:57am
#15
lpeters82
250 Trade Quintuple Gold Good Trader

Reddit's favorite joke:

Three men are hiking when they stumble upon a old brass lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie.

It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each of you three wishes."

The first guy immediately blurts out, "I want a billion dollars!" POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact one billion three dollars and fifty cents.

The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is in excess of a one hundred billion dollars.

The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.

The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish.

First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.

Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.

Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.

The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.

First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more.

Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay young forever." POOF, he looks younger already.

Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth for the rest of my life." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.

The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.

Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going.

First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years."

Second guy smiles and says "I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest person alive and I'm revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is wild in bed."

Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says:

"Guys, I think I fudgeed up!!!"
21-Sep-21 12:26pm
#16
sdwyer138
GameTZ Subscriber Quadruple Gold Good Trader

Did you know there actually is a difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
.
.
.
.
No, what is the difference?
.
.
.
.
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face.
21-Sep-21 1:04pm
#17
Chad
GameTZ Gold Subscriber Double Gold Good Trader

Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. They were sent on 3 large ships and with 10 supply wagons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires on a single ship with 3 supply wagons. The third kingdom sent but a single elderly knight and squire on a row boat with but a sack full of provisions. The first night on the island all the knights were together sharing stories before the bloodshed when the elderly night say "Woe to ye, thieves on this island be." Ignoring the ramblings of the old man, the other knights and squires drank the night away while the elderly knight and his squire set camp elsewhere and hung a noose over a tree as a warning sign to the thieves.

The next day the drunken knights wake up to find all of their weapons and armor gone and are in a foul mood. They begin beating their squires for letting their property be taken but ultimately don't mind as the numbers are in their favor and the island will soon be theirs. Soon the knights of the first two kingdoms are reveling again when the elderly knight comes and says "thieves are not the only thing to worry about here, remember, this is called Rat Island. The knights laugh at the old fool, they never heard anyone call this rat island.

But unfettered the elderly night takes his squire once again on their own. They cook their remaining provisions and tie up the pot and hang it high in a tree so that the rats can't get to it.

That night rats got into the food of all the other kingdoms and left their foul droppings everywhere. Being disgusting medieval folk the knights don't care and within hours of eating the rate feces infested food all the knights are falling sick.

However it is the day of the battle. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much and were too full of rat feces and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.

And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
21-Sep-21 1:24pm
#18
Archer
GameTZ Subscriber 500 Trade Quintuple Gold Good Trader Has Written 1 Review

@Chad you magnificent son of a dog.
21-Sep-21 5:27pm
#19
SilverOwl
250 Trade Quintuple Gold Good Trader This user is on the site NOW (7 minutes ago) Secret Santa

A blonde and brunette were walking down the sidewalk, when the brunette says, look, a dead bird! And the blonde looks up and says where?
21-Sep-21 5:38pm
#20
theJaw
GameTZ Subscriber Triple Gold Good Trader

Because the bird would be on the ground, I get it.
21-Sep-21 6:48pm
#21
Porksta
GameTZ Subscriber 400 Trade Quintuple Gold Good Trader Global Trader - willing to trade internationally

Women's rights.

Subtime for a joke